We often have this conversation at home. We lived together as expats in the Netherlands, and now back in France the roles have shifted, I’m the “immigrant” and he’s the local. But in both cases, I’ve always been the one bringing friends into our lives.
I feel there’s this pressure on men to be strong, not show vulnerability, and keep a certain distance from others.
And yet, after 30, I’ve noticed something else, even for me, as social as I am, it becomes more and more difficult to enter people’s lives.
Showing up with an open heart always carries a risk. But it’s also the only way I know how to build something real.
Yesterday, my husband went out with my Italian friends, and I loved seeing my worlds merge like that 🧡
I have read many pieces about belonging and making friends in new places but never one from solely a male perspective. I really appreciate you sharing. The line "Que los rituales se pierden con las mudanzas." felt particularly heartbreaking to me. I do hope you can develop new rituals that are equally as fulfilling.
Nos cuesta mucho. Me hiciste reflexionar sobre mis amistades de día a día. Casi siempre hay un balón de por medio (tv, tribuna, cancha). Antes también alcohol (para mí ya no tanto). Saludos, Julio.
Gracias Benjamín! Qué gran verdad eso que dices, siempre con alguna excusa de por medio que justifique el vernos, no sea que queramos simplemente saber cómo está el otro :)
This was a beautiful thing to share Julio. I hope you are brave and go to his new shop. A new setting changes things but also reveals new things about one another which sometimes naturally deepens friendship. Plus it’s a wine shop:)
You are absolutely right Deanna, I know it's up to us to build a new ritual. And speaking of wines, the ones in the new shop are meant to be next level :)
Ufff directo al cuore! Qué difícil es ver partir a esos amigos.
Al leerte se me vino a la memoria un libro sobre la amistad que me gustó mucho, escrito justamente por dos personas que se volvieron amigos de grandes. Se llama "Amistad. Un ensayo compartido", por Jacobo Bergareche y Mariano Sigman. Si paso por Ámsterdam, te lo dejo en papel :)
Gracias Ana! Y por la recomendación, escuché a Sigman en un podcast hace tiempo y de Bergareche me leí su libro de Los Días Perfectos pero nunca los imaginé juntos :)
Absolutely beautiful, tender and true Julio. I have also been thinking about writing on this theme, the vanishing of friends is real at this age. I can only imagine it's doubly hard for sensitive men than sensitive women.
My friend here in Guatemala (met through Instagram) and I were just talking about how it’s so much harder for men to make friendships abroad. I wish that weren’t the case and sorry about the wine shop closing and the loss of a friend.
Julio, this deserves a big vritual hug 🤍
We often have this conversation at home. We lived together as expats in the Netherlands, and now back in France the roles have shifted, I’m the “immigrant” and he’s the local. But in both cases, I’ve always been the one bringing friends into our lives.
I feel there’s this pressure on men to be strong, not show vulnerability, and keep a certain distance from others.
And yet, after 30, I’ve noticed something else, even for me, as social as I am, it becomes more and more difficult to enter people’s lives.
Showing up with an open heart always carries a risk. But it’s also the only way I know how to build something real.
Yesterday, my husband went out with my Italian friends, and I loved seeing my worlds merge like that 🧡
Oh Emanuela, I got emotional reading this, I could see that dinner vividly in my head :)
Showing up with an open heart is the only way, indeed! Un abrazo
I have read many pieces about belonging and making friends in new places but never one from solely a male perspective. I really appreciate you sharing. The line "Que los rituales se pierden con las mudanzas." felt particularly heartbreaking to me. I do hope you can develop new rituals that are equally as fulfilling.
Thank you so much Lena, for your comment and your wishes ☺️
Nos cuesta mucho. Me hiciste reflexionar sobre mis amistades de día a día. Casi siempre hay un balón de por medio (tv, tribuna, cancha). Antes también alcohol (para mí ya no tanto). Saludos, Julio.
Gracias Benjamín! Qué gran verdad eso que dices, siempre con alguna excusa de por medio que justifique el vernos, no sea que queramos simplemente saber cómo está el otro :)
Un saludo!
This was a beautiful thing to share Julio. I hope you are brave and go to his new shop. A new setting changes things but also reveals new things about one another which sometimes naturally deepens friendship. Plus it’s a wine shop:)
You are absolutely right Deanna, I know it's up to us to build a new ritual. And speaking of wines, the ones in the new shop are meant to be next level :)
Ufff directo al cuore! Qué difícil es ver partir a esos amigos.
Al leerte se me vino a la memoria un libro sobre la amistad que me gustó mucho, escrito justamente por dos personas que se volvieron amigos de grandes. Se llama "Amistad. Un ensayo compartido", por Jacobo Bergareche y Mariano Sigman. Si paso por Ámsterdam, te lo dejo en papel :)
Gracias Ana! Y por la recomendación, escuché a Sigman en un podcast hace tiempo y de Bergareche me leí su libro de Los Días Perfectos pero nunca los imaginé juntos :)
Ganas de leerlo, abrazo!
"Que los rituales se pierden con las mudanzas."
Siento esto hasta en mi alma. Y aquí al otro lado del mundo sufro un poco contigo por la mudanza de tu amigo. Abrazos, Julio.
Gracias Juliet, yo siento ese abrazo desde el otro lado del mundo :)
Absolutely beautiful, tender and true Julio. I have also been thinking about writing on this theme, the vanishing of friends is real at this age. I can only imagine it's doubly hard for sensitive men than sensitive women.
Thank you so much Siobhán, please do, I’ll love to read it! And I feel you will connect with that book I mention in the piece. Un abrazo!
My friend here in Guatemala (met through Instagram) and I were just talking about how it’s so much harder for men to make friendships abroad. I wish that weren’t the case and sorry about the wine shop closing and the loss of a friend.
It’s comforting to put it in words and out in the world. Reading your message, knowing it’s something that’s true to many others.
Un abrazo Jen!
Very touchy and true
Thank you so much Zeynep 🤍